That Time of Year Will Forever Remind Me of You

You tell me you are dying; that the passion, light, and vigor will soon be forever gone from your being. I refused to believe this. I saw in you a flame that would never expire.

I breathe in the cold air. I have always loved the fall. However, this year does not feel the same as those past. I do not feel the same excitement of the changing weather, or the blissful anticipation of the holidays. I only smell our stale home, which was once full of life.

That time of year, just before winter settles into its white slumber, will always remind me of you.

For almost a year, I was forced to slowly watch the light fade from your eyes. The man that I had started a life with was physically shrinking before me. I knew that your pain was unbearable. You stayed strong until the end, my love. I wish I could say that I was as brave. I was very hard on you during your last few months; telling you over and over to keep fighting, to never give up. I only wanted to keep you from fading away; I wanted you to stay with me, even though it was hurting you. The fear of not being with you was blinding. Out of selfishness, I had stifled our love; the only sliver of light attainable in the growing darkness. For this I can never forgive myself. In the end, I showered you with all the affection my heart could give. The love you had needed all along. I would never again feel your touch, or hear your voice; I accepted this. I knew that you would never truly leave me. You would stay eternally in my heart, your spirit living on in my memories. I whispered these thoughts in your ear. You turned to me, a smile flashed momentarily across your lips, and then you were gone.

Walking through the streets, I imagine that you are next to me, your stride in synch with mine. I sense you in every falling leaf, and the setting sun. I walk towards that familiar smell of snow yet to fall, not worried about where it will lead me. I cannot help replaying the end of our time together in my mind. You must know that it no longer brings me sadness or regret. I revel in the love we shared and, the thought that we will meet again.

You once told me that the youth I had fallen in love with was gone, that he no longer exuded the same passion; you told me that you were sorry. In my mind, you will always remain the ardent young man who swept me off my feet. Neither night, nor sleep, nor death can alter this.

I will love you forever, even though you left me all too soon.